Well, today has been...interesting.
Its Sweetness's birthday (which apparently he doesn't like to celebrate). We started having a great convo this morning. Then...his ex sent him a birthday text. Aaaaand all his pain came back. I hated knowing he was/is in pain. I hate seeing any of my friends like that, but this time is different. It made me sad that he's allowing her to always have some sort of control over him. Because by allowing what he went through, what she put him through, to make him decide to never have a relationship again or put himself in a position where he "could" be hurt again is allowing her to continue to dominate his life. And as "happy" as he is that they are no longer together, he's still holding onto that heartache. He won't let go because he feels that he needs it as a reminder that HE is the only person he has. He won't leave himself therefore he won't hurt himself. Its sad that he's making that decision.
And even though I've decided to look for someone who actually wants to be with me, I do have to admit that it makes me sad and even hurts a little that he'll never truly realize what could be with me. He just would never be able to trust that I wouldn't hurt him. Or, well, to even take that chance. I know I wouldn't hurt him. I've never hurt anyone...to my knowledge. I've always been the one dumped, cheated on, lead on... I know what it feels like. I don't want to do it to someone else. I'm all about love, always. Its hard to gain my trust and even harder to win my heart, but once it happens, its almost as sure as "death and taxes". I'm always willing to try and work hard. But I can't make anyone love me or want me.
All I can do is just be there for him. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I do love him and even feel sometimes that he's the one, but if he's making that kind of decision, I don't want to be left standing out in the cold.
Showing posts with label Birthdays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birthdays. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Hello Strangers. Its been awhile
Its be awhile... *Slaps wrist* Bad blogger. Baaaaaaaad blogger! I guess I've just been trying to keep super busy so as to not fall too into the horrible monotony that can become my life.
Eh, so, ok, there isn't too much going on. At all.
I've actually been trying to convince a friend of mine to start a blog too. She's alot like me. But the reason I've been wanting her to start a blog is because of her recent experiences.
Her house is haunted. Seriously.
She called me a couple of weeks ago with her latest "scare". Sometimes it stresses her out. And one thing we've talked about is that we aren't sure if its actually the house itself or if its her. She's had so many experiences over the course of her life so far. She's seen and heard things since she was a kid. Who knows. But I thought for her it would be a great thing to blog about just to get it off her chest. *shudders*
Bleh
Well, as far as my other friends go, things are busy for them. One of my good friends has been wanting me to go hang out at her bar. I've been sick lately and trying to just do the right thing by resting and eating right and trying to exercise (despite this wretched heat). Besides for the kind of sick I've been getting, its not exactly a good idea to throw alcohol into the mix. Not. Good. At. All.
Side note: Mmm, chocolate milk.
I really like chocolate milk. Alot.
OOOOOHHHH!
I'm very excited and almost forgot...Ray LaMontagne has a new album coming out in a couple of weeks *checks calendar* Ok, more like in 6 days. And I was even more excited that NPR.org has been streaming the new cd. I listened to it over and over yesterday and pretty much know all the lyrics to the new songs. Eeek!! Wow, I'm such a geek. I love me some Ray LaMontagne though. More than chocolate milk. Alot.
Bleh. But speaking of August 17....
That would be the same day as the birthday of Douchey (Ex-bff as previously mentioned). I hadn't thought about him at all in the last few (give or take) months. But as soon as I realized it was August the first thing that popped into my head was "Oh, shit, his birthday is coming up". And in me arose mixed feelings. Part of me hopes he is doing well and is planning something nice for his birthday and he other part of me, well, aches. I need more chocolate milk, I think.
But really, I think I've made good progress in moving on and getting passed all this crap.
SUBJECT CHANGE
Like that? Eh, Smoooooth transition. Just go with it.
And then I realized "Oh shit, its AUGUST!! Where the fuck has the year gone!?!" This has been, by far, a short year. Either way, I hope this summer passes quickly too. Its really hot.
Lately its been in the high 90s with heat indexes in the low to mid 100s. Gotta love summers in South Texas.
Ooooh and while I'm thinking of Ray LaMontagne. I came across a song he did with Rachael Yamagata called "Duet". Its just amazing. Absolutely haunting. I. Love. It. Alot.
Eh, so, ok, there isn't too much going on. At all.
I've actually been trying to convince a friend of mine to start a blog too. She's alot like me. But the reason I've been wanting her to start a blog is because of her recent experiences.
Her house is haunted. Seriously.
She called me a couple of weeks ago with her latest "scare". Sometimes it stresses her out. And one thing we've talked about is that we aren't sure if its actually the house itself or if its her. She's had so many experiences over the course of her life so far. She's seen and heard things since she was a kid. Who knows. But I thought for her it would be a great thing to blog about just to get it off her chest. *shudders*
Bleh
Well, as far as my other friends go, things are busy for them. One of my good friends has been wanting me to go hang out at her bar. I've been sick lately and trying to just do the right thing by resting and eating right and trying to exercise (despite this wretched heat). Besides for the kind of sick I've been getting, its not exactly a good idea to throw alcohol into the mix. Not. Good. At. All.
Side note: Mmm, chocolate milk.
I really like chocolate milk. Alot.
OOOOOHHHH!
I'm very excited and almost forgot...Ray LaMontagne has a new album coming out in a couple of weeks *checks calendar* Ok, more like in 6 days. And I was even more excited that NPR.org has been streaming the new cd. I listened to it over and over yesterday and pretty much know all the lyrics to the new songs. Eeek!! Wow, I'm such a geek. I love me some Ray LaMontagne though. More than chocolate milk. Alot.
Bleh. But speaking of August 17....
That would be the same day as the birthday of Douchey (Ex-bff as previously mentioned). I hadn't thought about him at all in the last few (give or take) months. But as soon as I realized it was August the first thing that popped into my head was "Oh, shit, his birthday is coming up". And in me arose mixed feelings. Part of me hopes he is doing well and is planning something nice for his birthday and he other part of me, well, aches. I need more chocolate milk, I think.
But really, I think I've made good progress in moving on and getting passed all this crap.
SUBJECT CHANGE
Like that? Eh, Smoooooth transition. Just go with it.
And then I realized "Oh shit, its AUGUST!! Where the fuck has the year gone!?!" This has been, by far, a short year. Either way, I hope this summer passes quickly too. Its really hot.
Lately its been in the high 90s with heat indexes in the low to mid 100s. Gotta love summers in South Texas.
Ooooh and while I'm thinking of Ray LaMontagne. I came across a song he did with Rachael Yamagata called "Duet". Its just amazing. Absolutely haunting. I. Love. It. Alot.
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