Bleh, I've had a headache all day. But I digress...
I had a strange-ish dream last night.
Its a sort of recurring dream in a sense that its the same person and I and it always leads to the same thing. The only variances are the place in which the dream takes place and the emotions behind the event that takes place.
Its me and this guy I've been friends with since childhood. We aren't exactly super close and we've kept in touch off and on. And I think I've been having these dream occassionally for about a decade and a half. I still have not been able to figure out the meaning behind these dreams. It always starts out the same, after some time we are hanging out alone just talking and catching up. Then, as usual, it leads to sex. Usually its just a quick, but emotionally intense experience, like lust takes over and we've no choice but to give in. And once we were both disgusted by the act afterwards, like there was just something wrong about what we had done.
Last night though was a first. This time in the dream we were talking and then he pulled me into him and kissed me deeply and passionately. I could even actually feel his hot breath on my skin and the feel of his touch on my back at first and then all over my body. We continued to kiss, each more intense than the last. Finally he lay on the bed, pulling me on top of him, and we began removing each other's clothing until at long last we were making love. For the first time, actually making love. For once there was emotion behind the act, not just the physical want. It was amazing, ya know, for a dream.
I just hate not knowing why I have those dreams at all. We never dated and as far as I know, he was never interested in me. I was probably the only girl in school that he never dated. We were just always friends. We'd hang out and do silly stupid things together.
And I hadn't even thought of him in a while. So, who knows!
Not that it was a bad dream, its just one of the very few dreams in which I can not place meaning behind. And now I have this killer headache. If I didn't have this horrible pain, I might've been able to write this in a more "flow-y" sense. Eh, oh well! I just wanted to get this down before I drifted off again to have this dream replaced by another. Such is life.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sunny Saturday Morning
I awoke this morning to find some snow still on the roof of the house. I'm sure by the end of today it will be but a faint memory. Its warming up pretty fast outside. Nice. I'm planning on getting some shopping done while the weather is nice. Although...I hope I can tear myself away from the Glee marathon currently on TV. Yes, I love Glee... I love it good.
Its a tough choice because the sun is shining through the blinds, its warmth beckoning me forth. I think fresh air would be great right about now though.
Its a tough choice because the sun is shining through the blinds, its warmth beckoning me forth. I think fresh air would be great right about now though.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Snow Day!
Well, it snowed. FINALLY! We got measureable snow fall! I was so excited. I even got up late at night to watch the snow fall freshly on the ground. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Being outside in the back yard, in the chilly stillness of the night while everyone else cuddled up warmly in their beds. Just me and the gentle sound of the snow falling. It was absolutely amazing! The feel of the tiny flakes falling on my cheeks, being able to scoop up a bit of snow in my hands and run my fingers over the cold, tiny, white beads. I even walked out to the front of the house and saw the street completely covered in a thin veil of pure white, devoid of footsteps or dirty tire marks. A beautiful solid sheet of snow glowing in the night. I went back to bed with frozen, cherry-red cheeks and a smile on my face.
Of course, not everyone in my area had as great of a night. One highway found itself with a 50 car pile-up. Yup FIFTY cars...Sounds like great times. And in a town where snow fall is extremely rare, you better believe the whole area was completely shut down. Very few people had to report to work. Kids everywhere were elated to have a 3-day weekend and a few hours to play in the snow.
I spent my time baking. My house was filled with the scents of brownies, cookies and banana bread. Another plus is the gas oven kept the house pretty warm and comfortable. I greeted this evening with a bowl of Chicken Tortilla soup- one of my personal favorites. And later, I shall bid this perfect day adieu with a cup of Mexican hot chocolate and a little indulgence in my fresh-baked goodies. All in all it was a wonderful day!
Of course, not everyone in my area had as great of a night. One highway found itself with a 50 car pile-up. Yup FIFTY cars...Sounds like great times. And in a town where snow fall is extremely rare, you better believe the whole area was completely shut down. Very few people had to report to work. Kids everywhere were elated to have a 3-day weekend and a few hours to play in the snow.
I spent my time baking. My house was filled with the scents of brownies, cookies and banana bread. Another plus is the gas oven kept the house pretty warm and comfortable. I greeted this evening with a bowl of Chicken Tortilla soup- one of my personal favorites. And later, I shall bid this perfect day adieu with a cup of Mexican hot chocolate and a little indulgence in my fresh-baked goodies. All in all it was a wonderful day!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
This Bitch is Back
Well, yes, it has been some time since I last posted. Life has been surprisingly busy. And now South Texas is gearing up for some actual winter weather. Its cold out there. I love it!
The holidays were good. Spend some nice time with the family. For once.
New Year's was decent as well. I know I'm gettin old when I have a hard time keeping my eyes open til midnight. I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions. And anyway if I did, I probably wouldn't mention them to anyone else. I don't need to broadcast the lies I make to myself. I jest! I guess much respect for those who not only set but keep their resolutions. As for me, I decided a long time ago that I would just continue to do as I have always done: try each day to the be the best person I can and live my life to the best of my ability.
But enough about New Years. Its already gonna be Groundhog Day. That's if the groundhog isn't completely snowed in. I wonder if he ever thinks "I got out of bed for this?" Probably not. He's just a groundhog.
I'm freezing. I think I need to go make some cocoa. Or tea. But definitely paired with something sweet to eat. I love sweets. Lately, my gluttonous indulgence of choice is donuts. The other day I had a chocolate glazed donut, my first in some time, and it was just the best thing ever. It was soft, fresh and the chocolate glaze was just perfection.
Ok, now I'm hungry.
The holidays were good. Spend some nice time with the family. For once.
New Year's was decent as well. I know I'm gettin old when I have a hard time keeping my eyes open til midnight. I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions. And anyway if I did, I probably wouldn't mention them to anyone else. I don't need to broadcast the lies I make to myself. I jest! I guess much respect for those who not only set but keep their resolutions. As for me, I decided a long time ago that I would just continue to do as I have always done: try each day to the be the best person I can and live my life to the best of my ability.
But enough about New Years. Its already gonna be Groundhog Day. That's if the groundhog isn't completely snowed in. I wonder if he ever thinks "I got out of bed for this?" Probably not. He's just a groundhog.
I'm freezing. I think I need to go make some cocoa. Or tea. But definitely paired with something sweet to eat. I love sweets. Lately, my gluttonous indulgence of choice is donuts. The other day I had a chocolate glazed donut, my first in some time, and it was just the best thing ever. It was soft, fresh and the chocolate glaze was just perfection.
Ok, now I'm hungry.
Monday, December 6, 2010
I Look Outside and Its Hardly a Winter Wonderland...wtf?
So Thanksgiving came and went. It was good. Tiring, but good. I love turkey. Good thing, I was eating it for just about every meal for quite a few days afterward. *sigh* But now I miss it!
I skipped Black Friday this year. I was simply too tired to get up early. And really, the deals out there this year were beyond shotty. Seriously. I'm gonna go wait in line for 15 hours to buy a TV that was marked down only $10? No, thank you.
Besides, I had to rest up to stuff myself over again with delicious moist Turkey.
But now that's all over and I'm gearing up for Christmas. I finally put up my small tree over the weekend. Some of my neighbors were out on Thanksgiving getting their houses all whored up for the holidays. Its obnoxious. Why? Because its done to try and out-do or show up the other neighbors, not because they enjoy the season. Lame. I went out and put up all that I was going to in my yard. Its what I love and what I wanted. I'm happy.
Its been cold off and on. I love it. I just want it to get cold and stay cold though, I'm tired of the cold turning into almost spring-like weather. Its annoying.
STILL not getting support from the one friend and its killing me. I'm trying so hard to just let it pass and not burn anymore bridges, but that's getting old. I'm getting too old for people (who are older than me, by the way) to be throwing little tantrums because they aren't getting THEIR way. Well, ya know what, buddy? All I've ever done was give you YOUR way. So, now...fuck you.
But I digress.
And then I was thinking about what was going on this time last year and where its gotten me this year and its a little bumming. Actually, its lead me to regret and hate certain events from this time last year. Alot. And they were memories I wanted to be fond of forever. Oh well. Can't please everyone and sometimes that includes yourself. But I suppose what happened last year would've happened regardless and had it not occurred when it did, I might not be where I am today which is something I'm happy for. I love being where I am now. Its all give and take. Its ok. So, in the end, I wouldn't change anything.
I have a headache though, so if that last bit doesn't make sense...sorry.
I skipped Black Friday this year. I was simply too tired to get up early. And really, the deals out there this year were beyond shotty. Seriously. I'm gonna go wait in line for 15 hours to buy a TV that was marked down only $10? No, thank you.
Besides, I had to rest up to stuff myself over again with delicious moist Turkey.
But now that's all over and I'm gearing up for Christmas. I finally put up my small tree over the weekend. Some of my neighbors were out on Thanksgiving getting their houses all whored up for the holidays. Its obnoxious. Why? Because its done to try and out-do or show up the other neighbors, not because they enjoy the season. Lame. I went out and put up all that I was going to in my yard. Its what I love and what I wanted. I'm happy.
Its been cold off and on. I love it. I just want it to get cold and stay cold though, I'm tired of the cold turning into almost spring-like weather. Its annoying.
STILL not getting support from the one friend and its killing me. I'm trying so hard to just let it pass and not burn anymore bridges, but that's getting old. I'm getting too old for people (who are older than me, by the way) to be throwing little tantrums because they aren't getting THEIR way. Well, ya know what, buddy? All I've ever done was give you YOUR way. So, now...fuck you.
But I digress.
And then I was thinking about what was going on this time last year and where its gotten me this year and its a little bumming. Actually, its lead me to regret and hate certain events from this time last year. Alot. And they were memories I wanted to be fond of forever. Oh well. Can't please everyone and sometimes that includes yourself. But I suppose what happened last year would've happened regardless and had it not occurred when it did, I might not be where I am today which is something I'm happy for. I love being where I am now. Its all give and take. Its ok. So, in the end, I wouldn't change anything.
I have a headache though, so if that last bit doesn't make sense...sorry.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
And So We Change With The Seasons
I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. Wow, time flies when, well, you are living... Although I have no idea what it does when you are dead. Either way, I'm back. Just not back from the dead. Or am I? How trendy, a zombie reference.
Anyway.
So life has been going through some major changes which have me excited beyond belief. I have been in such a happy place these last few weeks, its like I can breathe fresh air again. As if the windows finally came unstuck and were opened to air out a stuffy room. I like it. And so do my lungs- they can appreciate a nice metaphor.
The only problem I'm having with my current situation is support. I have been gettin some amazing support from all of my friends except one. Sadly, its the one person that I hoped would be there for me. It just hurts that after all the countless times I've dropped everything to lend my support and care to this person, the one time I could use it in return...bam! gone. I kinda expected it though. So I guess I'm not surprised, just hurt. But what can I do? What I've done for this person will be missed when its gone. And its going fast. Its at the point where I have to look out for myself now. I can't babysit and hold someone's hand who obviously refuses to grow up and deal with life and its ups and downs realistically. And I know I'm saying that at the risk of sounding like a hypocrit. And maybe I am. The difference is I can deal with it.
Unfortunately that's not the only loop I've been thrown. I put Mr. X behind me a while ago. I haven't so much as thought of him in a long time and I was happier for it. I came to terms with everything but my subconscious won't let him go. Its getting ridiculous. I had a dream about him the other night that, in all honesty, left me to wake up rolling my eyes and sighing like I was being bothered.
In the dream I was sitting in a strange room checking my email on a computer. I noticed I had one from Mr. X. He was basically apologizing for the way things turned out and explaining everything he had gone through and blah blah blah. Next thing I know, he's there with me in my home for a visit. He kept hugging me and smiling and was happy. He did apologize again in person and said he was happy to rebuild what we had before. And it goes on but, eh, it was just a dream.
I just hope this is truly the end of it and I can carry on never having him enter my head. I wasn't kidding when I said I was over it already. I even debated bringing this up in blog. But its a part of my life and that's what I'm sharing, my life.
When's Thanksgiving already? I want some damn Turkey...
Hope everyone is well!
Anyway.
So life has been going through some major changes which have me excited beyond belief. I have been in such a happy place these last few weeks, its like I can breathe fresh air again. As if the windows finally came unstuck and were opened to air out a stuffy room. I like it. And so do my lungs- they can appreciate a nice metaphor.
The only problem I'm having with my current situation is support. I have been gettin some amazing support from all of my friends except one. Sadly, its the one person that I hoped would be there for me. It just hurts that after all the countless times I've dropped everything to lend my support and care to this person, the one time I could use it in return...bam! gone. I kinda expected it though. So I guess I'm not surprised, just hurt. But what can I do? What I've done for this person will be missed when its gone. And its going fast. Its at the point where I have to look out for myself now. I can't babysit and hold someone's hand who obviously refuses to grow up and deal with life and its ups and downs realistically. And I know I'm saying that at the risk of sounding like a hypocrit. And maybe I am. The difference is I can deal with it.
Unfortunately that's not the only loop I've been thrown. I put Mr. X behind me a while ago. I haven't so much as thought of him in a long time and I was happier for it. I came to terms with everything but my subconscious won't let him go. Its getting ridiculous. I had a dream about him the other night that, in all honesty, left me to wake up rolling my eyes and sighing like I was being bothered.
In the dream I was sitting in a strange room checking my email on a computer. I noticed I had one from Mr. X. He was basically apologizing for the way things turned out and explaining everything he had gone through and blah blah blah. Next thing I know, he's there with me in my home for a visit. He kept hugging me and smiling and was happy. He did apologize again in person and said he was happy to rebuild what we had before. And it goes on but, eh, it was just a dream.
I just hope this is truly the end of it and I can carry on never having him enter my head. I wasn't kidding when I said I was over it already. I even debated bringing this up in blog. But its a part of my life and that's what I'm sharing, my life.
When's Thanksgiving already? I want some damn Turkey...
Hope everyone is well!
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