Tuesday, November 16, 2010

And So We Change With The Seasons

I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. Wow, time flies when, well, you are living... Although I have no idea what it does when you are dead. Either way, I'm back. Just not back from the dead. Or am I? How trendy, a zombie reference.
So life has been going through some major changes which have me excited beyond belief. I have been in such a happy place these last few weeks, its like I can breathe fresh air again. As if the windows finally came unstuck and were opened to air out a stuffy room. I like it. And so do my lungs- they can appreciate a nice metaphor.
The only problem I'm having with my current situation is support. I have been gettin some amazing support from all of my friends except one. Sadly, its the one person that I hoped would be there for me. It just hurts that after all the countless times I've dropped everything to lend my support and care to this person, the one time I could use it in return...bam! gone. I kinda expected it though. So I guess I'm not surprised, just hurt. But what can I do? What I've done for this person will be missed when its gone. And its going fast. Its at the point where I have to look out for myself now. I can't babysit and hold someone's hand who obviously refuses to grow up and deal with life and its ups and downs realistically. And I know I'm saying that at the risk of sounding like a hypocrit. And maybe I am. The difference is I can deal with it.
Unfortunately that's not the only loop I've been thrown. I put Mr. X behind me a while ago. I haven't so much as thought of him in a long time and I was happier for it. I came to terms with everything but my subconscious won't let him go. Its getting ridiculous. I had a dream about him the other night that, in all honesty, left me to wake up rolling my eyes and sighing like I was being bothered.
In the dream I was sitting in a strange room checking my email on a computer. I noticed I had one from Mr. X. He was basically apologizing for the way things turned out and explaining everything he had gone through and blah blah blah. Next thing I know, he's there with me in my home for a visit. He kept hugging me and smiling and was happy. He did apologize again in person and said he was happy to rebuild what we had before. And it goes on but, eh, it was just a dream.
I just hope this is truly the end of it and I can carry on never having him enter my head. I wasn't kidding when I said I was over it already. I even debated bringing this up in blog. But its a part of my life and that's what I'm sharing, my life.
When's Thanksgiving already? I want some damn Turkey...
Hope everyone is well!