Sunday, February 28, 2010

Let me let go

Today has been one of those days where I constantly feel on the verge of tears. One of those days that reminds me that I am still a mess. There has been a tightening in my chest and a feeling of emptiness in my heart.
I don't know why I'm having a hard time letting go and moving on. Sometimes I just don't know why people act the way they do. I thought that perhaps I was getting better at choosing who I let into my heart and give my trust too. It still amazes me that even friends can leave me brokenhearted.
I hope time will heal all. I know I'm doing my best day by day to move my life back on the right path and get myself back to where I need/should be. We all come across detours now and again so I know that this too shall pass. This one is just taking longer than all the others. Its not a fun journey, but a necessary one.
It always makes me wonder how everyone deals with heartache and heartbreak and pain.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Where to begin...

Well, I think for a long time I've needed a way to get things out. I am, for the most part, an observer. I take time to really see things, or try to anyway. Sometimes I can pick up on things that others don't or can't. I don't know what that means but that's just how I see myself. And while I am an "observer", I am, unfortunately, not much of a "sharer". Now, what does that mean? I will share my food, my time...anything I have...with the exception of me (for lack of a better word). As a person I tend to be rather closed off. This recently has made me feel like I'm disconnected with the surrounding world. I know that I am. So now I've decided to be more open and talk about things that are swimming around in my head. Through "sharing" more I hope to I guess I don't know how best to describe this. But then again, that's kinda the point of all this, eh? I hope others will want to take the time to get to know me as I do them. I just want to make this journey called life interesting.

However, I have a feeling that this blog will mostly be about music. Music plays such an major role in my life. I have many memories, people, and feelings associated with music. A song can play on the radio that can make me think of someone I hadn't thought about in years or recall a long forgotten memory or even just evoke a certain emotion.

And also, I love food. I did, at one time, study to become a chef. I, once upon a time, was the most passionate about creating something that could nourish others. I took pride in creating something that others could enjoy. It is my belief that a sense of satisfaction should come from the flavor and quality of the food, not just how much of it you can shovel down your throat. Every bite should be savored and last even if you only have two forkfuls. A full belly should come from a full heart.
But maybe that is the point of it all...savoring everything you bring into your life. And if, in any way, it does not bring happiness or enjoyment then it shouldn't be there.