Sunday, June 20, 2010

Baked goods, Work, and a "Stairway"

Well, as is usual, not much going in my tiny little dot of the world.
That is, at least, until I fall asleep.
Yes, I had yet another strange dream.
Shocked? You shouldn't be. Ha!
Well, it started with me in a car, being driven to some unknown job by my ex (with whom I'm still friends with and rather close to). I'm sitting in the passenger seat holding a foil tray full of unknown goodies covered with foil. Written on top in big bold letters by a permanent marker: Property of Laurie. DO NOT EAT.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm wearing, except a denim jacket as I can at least see my arms a I'm gazing down at this tray. For some reason I feel a little bit like I'm not wanting to go to work. I look around out of the windows at the scenery as it passes me by. Everything outside is somewhat faded and old-looking, perhaps as if I'm looking at old photographs. Its all familiar as I drive through it all on an almost daily basis. My ex and I are somewhat silent. But that's the great thing about him, we can sit comfortably in silence. I reach over to turn up the radio and whatever we are listening to (because usually in the car I have my ipod plugged in) starts playing Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven". That is odd. For one, I do play my ipod while I sleep and have often had songs play into my dream. However, while I do have "Stairway" in my itunes playlist, I have yet to update my ipod so there's no way it can play into my dream. Secondly, I had been thinking about a different song as I was drifting off to sleep so I would've expect that song to be featured.
Back to the dream.
I look over at The Ex. He seems calm and relaxed as he's driving. I smile and resume gazing out of the window and listening to "Stairway". I love the song and I start feeling the way I usually do when I hear it. Its hard to describe the feeling. We arrive at my place of work and as I'm gathering my things while trying to  get out and not drop the tray I tell The Ex, "I think I'm going to listen to more Zeppelin today at work. Maybe even just some classic rock in general. I love this song." He chuckled and said "That should be good. Help ya relax some, hun. Have a good day, I'll pick you up later." We smile and I make my way inside this building with a seemingly unusual number of windows. I take an elevator to a higher floor. I'm first in whatever office I work in and I turn the lights on, while humming "Stairway", and make my way to my office (I've never had a job where I had my own office..bummer) and lay the tray of goodies on top of a mini-fridge. I start up my computer and attempt to find some of the music I said I'd listen to. I replay "Stairway" and continue going about setting up for my day. I started wiping down my desk (which is actually  norm for me to do this with desk jobs) with a Clorox wipe. Usually this is the routine: Wipe down the phone: receiver and buttons. Wipe keyboard: all of the keys. Wipe down the computer mouse, the buttons on the monitor, the gel wrist guard, and the surrounding areas on the desk. One of my co-workers shows up and asks if he should start the coffee, to which I happily answer "Yes!". We meet in the break room and talk as he makes coffee. I tell him I made brownies and they are in my office if he cares to have some with the coffee. We chit chat for a little bit and after I grab a cup, I head back to my office. The phone rings and I answer it and deal with whoever it is. I begin working on my comp, as people slowly start filtering in for the day. I begin checking email and dealing with calls. People also start coming in and out of my office, some for the brownies and others sit at my desk and we discuss various things.
And then I woke up.
It was so odd.
Well hopefully it just means I'll find a job soon. Oooooodd-ness!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Death and Taxing Dreams

It feels like summer. Its been hot out and miserable. Ah gotta love south Texas weather. I've been trying to distract myself from all that's happened lately. Just move on and heal.
I've resumed going on drives in the Hill Country. Hot, but beautiful and green. One of my favorite little towns got hit pretty big with flooding last month but I was glad to see the rebuild. And just last week or so, one of my other favorite little towns fell victim to flooding. I called my family there and thankfully, they are fine and with no damage to their property. One of my favorite parks is probably gonna be closed for a while. But soon all will be as it should be. Life will go on :)
Just as a side, I wanna say congrats to my fave blog stalker who (I'm assuming he wants to remain anon) just got a new job! I'm so very proud of you and I love ya!! I really hopes it really works out!
Oh! I did have a couple of strange dreams.
The first one I dreamt I got a text from my deceased friend. And I replied but he never responded. So I decided to go to a friends house as a distraction. When I arrived, the house was run down and the paint had long faded. Instead of a paved drive way, there was a dirt lot. It looked odd but despite that I got out of the car and approached the house as if it were familiar. I did slow down a bit when I saw some things on the porch that either didn't belong or would be unsual for my friend to have. I knocked on his door and he answered, smiling, a welcomed and comforting sight. He saw the look on my face and pulled me into a hug and asked what was wrong. We sat on his porch for a bit while I told him about the text from the dead friend. His face changed and he fell silent. Finally he said that we better go inside. We walked inside his house and there stood my dead friend, very much alive. He looked shocked to see me and his face immediately became remorseful. I could immediately feel myself start to cry. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me so upset by his obvious deception I tried to run to the restroom. It just so happened that the room he was staying in was across the hall from the restroom. As I approached the door I could see the door to his room was slightly open allowing me a glance at his bed. Laying soundly asleep in his bed was a girl. A girl I hate. So it was salt in an open wound. I collapsed in the hallway sobbing as I slid down the wall. My other friend rushed to my side to pick me up and I remember him yelling at my dead friend. I don't really know what he was yelling at him but I remember the look on the dead friend's face. He seemed to almost wanna cry. He couldn't even look at the girl, sleeping oblivious in his bed. He kept looking at me and looking down. He said my name a few times, barely audible. The last time he said it with such sorrow, I looked up at him and he looked torn and said "I'm sorry". That was it for me. I think I started yelling at him asking how he could do that. How he could choose such a way to leave by saying he was dying, had died, and saying he loved me. How such lies could come from him. I asked if he liked seeing me hurt and crushed, the result of his lies. Because I mourned, grieved for him. And to know he was lying, that it was all a game to him was the worst kind of deception, the most horrible thing someone could do to anyone, "deserving" or not. I decided that I just needed to leave. My friend tried to get me to calm down before I left so I wasn't driving angry or not be able to focus. Then the dead friend tried to get me to stay so we could talk about everything. That made me want to haul ass faster. Both friends, with different intentions, followed me out the door. They were both talking at me and I tried to tune them both out and just stop thinking. I walked toward the back of the house and he back yard which was a huge lot. I was trying to get them to shut up and just let me leave. I kept walking and walking in the back yard trying to find a way to my car. I approached what was a night club. I could see blue, dim lights coming from inside and hear the bass in the music playing. I stopped and asked what the hell this club was doing there. My friend told me it was a new business venture with the dead friend and he wanted to tell me about it in time. I just went right into the club and lost them in the crowd. Everything was lit in this electric blue and as I looked around I saw many familiar faces. And all I could feel was brokenhearted and deceived. Like all these people knew but me.
And then I woke up.
It was such a horrible dream and I don't even know why I dreamt it. I've been thinking about it alot lately. Or, well, trying not to.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Life, again...

Well, here I am again, posting after quite some time has passed. Hopefully I'll be posting more often. I do have more free time on my hands now. Well the amazing guy I had met..
I fell in love and he died.
I am completely heartbroken. I have felt so lost lately and I cry alot. I know I will heal in time. This is by far the hardest thing I've been through. I will miss him terribly and thank my friend (one in particular) for being supportive.
R.I.P Buddy. I loved you. I really hope you knew that. And I really hope you meant it when you said you did too.