Monday, June 14, 2010

Death and Taxing Dreams

It feels like summer. Its been hot out and miserable. Ah gotta love south Texas weather. I've been trying to distract myself from all that's happened lately. Just move on and heal.
I've resumed going on drives in the Hill Country. Hot, but beautiful and green. One of my favorite little towns got hit pretty big with flooding last month but I was glad to see the rebuild. And just last week or so, one of my other favorite little towns fell victim to flooding. I called my family there and thankfully, they are fine and with no damage to their property. One of my favorite parks is probably gonna be closed for a while. But soon all will be as it should be. Life will go on :)
Just as a side, I wanna say congrats to my fave blog stalker who (I'm assuming he wants to remain anon) just got a new job! I'm so very proud of you and I love ya!! I really hopes it really works out!
Oh! I did have a couple of strange dreams.
The first one I dreamt I got a text from my deceased friend. And I replied but he never responded. So I decided to go to a friends house as a distraction. When I arrived, the house was run down and the paint had long faded. Instead of a paved drive way, there was a dirt lot. It looked odd but despite that I got out of the car and approached the house as if it were familiar. I did slow down a bit when I saw some things on the porch that either didn't belong or would be unsual for my friend to have. I knocked on his door and he answered, smiling, a welcomed and comforting sight. He saw the look on my face and pulled me into a hug and asked what was wrong. We sat on his porch for a bit while I told him about the text from the dead friend. His face changed and he fell silent. Finally he said that we better go inside. We walked inside his house and there stood my dead friend, very much alive. He looked shocked to see me and his face immediately became remorseful. I could immediately feel myself start to cry. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me so upset by his obvious deception I tried to run to the restroom. It just so happened that the room he was staying in was across the hall from the restroom. As I approached the door I could see the door to his room was slightly open allowing me a glance at his bed. Laying soundly asleep in his bed was a girl. A girl I hate. So it was salt in an open wound. I collapsed in the hallway sobbing as I slid down the wall. My other friend rushed to my side to pick me up and I remember him yelling at my dead friend. I don't really know what he was yelling at him but I remember the look on the dead friend's face. He seemed to almost wanna cry. He couldn't even look at the girl, sleeping oblivious in his bed. He kept looking at me and looking down. He said my name a few times, barely audible. The last time he said it with such sorrow, I looked up at him and he looked torn and said "I'm sorry". That was it for me. I think I started yelling at him asking how he could do that. How he could choose such a way to leave by saying he was dying, had died, and saying he loved me. How such lies could come from him. I asked if he liked seeing me hurt and crushed, the result of his lies. Because I mourned, grieved for him. And to know he was lying, that it was all a game to him was the worst kind of deception, the most horrible thing someone could do to anyone, "deserving" or not. I decided that I just needed to leave. My friend tried to get me to calm down before I left so I wasn't driving angry or not be able to focus. Then the dead friend tried to get me to stay so we could talk about everything. That made me want to haul ass faster. Both friends, with different intentions, followed me out the door. They were both talking at me and I tried to tune them both out and just stop thinking. I walked toward the back of the house and he back yard which was a huge lot. I was trying to get them to shut up and just let me leave. I kept walking and walking in the back yard trying to find a way to my car. I approached what was a night club. I could see blue, dim lights coming from inside and hear the bass in the music playing. I stopped and asked what the hell this club was doing there. My friend told me it was a new business venture with the dead friend and he wanted to tell me about it in time. I just went right into the club and lost them in the crowd. Everything was lit in this electric blue and as I looked around I saw many familiar faces. And all I could feel was brokenhearted and deceived. Like all these people knew but me.
And then I woke up.
It was such a horrible dream and I don't even know why I dreamt it. I've been thinking about it alot lately. Or, well, trying not to.

1 comment:

Perfectly Imperfect Life said...

You know I had a dream something like that. It involved a dilapidated house, my wife, and one of her exes. Of course betrayal was the main idea, but not cheating. I was questioning her judgement on buying the house in my dream, due to her illness. When I ran into the backyard it had a full ocean view and the landscaping was beautiful. Our minds do strange things when we're sleeping.