Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Is He Really 'Forever My Friend, Forever My Love'?

Ok, well, Sweetness and I have remained "friends". I put added the quotation marks because, well, its like we're still in a relationship. We still spend alot of time together. He's even mentioned that he sees me as "more than a friend". He still calls me Love and "my love" and says I love you. And I don't think its to take advantage of me and how much I love him. I think its that he actually does feel the way he says about me. He still gets VERY emotional at times when we talk. I know the sound of him when he's been crying. He gets like that often when we talk. During one of his emotional breakdowns he even mentioned that he still thinks about us and me and what he's missing out on by not being able to be in a relationship.

I suggested to him that he's depressed. He said if finally hit him that he is. He's been trying to work through it and heal. Who knows.

I just know that I'm not letting him effect what I need to do for myself. But he's still an amazing support system for me and I for him. He's cried with me when I broke down about what I have going on in other areas of my life. He's text me randomly during the day that he's worried about me. He's tried to cheer me up and do/say things that he knows will make me laugh. He's been amazing lately and admittedly more like himself than he was when we were together. That does make me happy for him.

The one weird thing is how he gets when I talk about Buddy. Its like he feels that he can't live up to the ghost, the memory of Buddy. That's just not true. Its like he has to compete with him or that I don't love him as much as I love/d Buddy. Again, not true. Its just awkward. Its like Sweetness doesn't feel like he's good enough for me. I said to him once: Its not what kind of/how much baggage we have, its how we deal with it. So, if he feels he isn't good enough for me, he's not. Ya know? I guess like self-fulfilling prophecy. But then again, the only person he should feel good enough for is himself.

4 comments:

max xavier said...

I'm glad you've remained friends. I know how hard it is when the heart wants more than someone else can give you right now. It takes a lot of strength to stick it out.

I hope he figures out what it is he needs to be happy. I hope you do, too. I'm still rooting for you!

::tiff:: said...

I agree with Max...and I admire your strength. It's really hard to even look at a person you care deeply about and know that right now things won't work. The best thing you can do is continue to be there for him and show him you're not going anywhere. It sounds like he really needs you. I hope everything is going ok. If you want I can give you email address and you can email me if need be. :)

Velvet_Heaven said...

Thank you both for the comments :) I'm definitely trying to be strong as I know he is too.
I would very much appreciate it, Tiff!!

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