Tuesday, April 28, 2015

A long time coming

Well, I suppose it has been some time since I've last written something here. I appreciate the gentle reminders from a sweet lady *cough, Trixie Racer. cough*

As it has become so painfully obvious. "Sweetness" and I are no more. At first, it was "heart-breaking". The most devastating part was that 3 days later he was already with someone else. Of course that leads me to believe that he was already with her even before he broke it off with me. He denies it.

He would constantly complain about her to me. He even would say how much he regretted his decision to leave me *rolls eyes*. She apparently stole money from him as well as some of his belongings to sell. She drank herself into slumbers. Called him, crying hysterically, that she had been in a terrible argument with her family and for him to come get her. Upon arriving for her, she was acting like nothing had ever happened and was completely different than what she implied on the phone. He managed to break up with her, to which she seemed OK with it only for him to tell me later that she was threatening suicide or at least to hurt herself. Then she announced that she was moving in with him and just did it - whether or not he approved of it.

The biggest shock of all. She became pregnant. They've been together for over a year now and I think she's almost due if she hasn't already given birth. That's another thing he vehemently was against - having kids. So, I'm not sure if he really did want this or if she pressured him or went so far as to poke holes in condoms. He always said that she was crazy, I have no idea. Of course while I cannot make assumptions, I have a feeling that she was drinking heavily even after becoming pregnant. That is entirely concerning if this is true.

Also concerning is that when he told me he was going to be a father he followed this up by texting "With all that I've been through, I would not wish this on anyone. So, if you cursed me, know that it's working". Well, sir, if you find the idea of becoming a parent a result of being cursed, nobody has brought that on but yourself and your "love".

I have been SO relieved to be out of this relationship with him. I look back on it now and I can see how he "misses" me. I wasn't so pressuring. He could always go out with his friends, even at the expense of keeping his promises to me. Sure, have a drink with the guys...I've only been waiting up a couple of hours passed midnight because you said you would call me after your shift ended. I TOTALLY understand you putting me behind their needs and your wants. He walked all over me more than he probably walked over grass in the park on his way to the bars.

I realize everything now that was wrong, toxic and just horrible about our relationship. He got the sweet end of the muffin while I was stuck on the ground taking whatever crumbs he threw on the floor. 

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