Friday, December 30, 2011

Tick, tick, tick...countdown of life

Ha! I've been sitting here staring at the screen for about 10 minutes hoping for the words to come.
I guess with the end of the year upon us, I've been thinking about everything and taking it all in.
Its crazy that the majority of it has been about Sweetness.
I think about him so much.
And, yes, I still love him more than I've ever loved anyone else. See? I am crazy. I was so sure that life would be spent with him- at each other's side. I don't know. And its weird that I was so completely happy with him. And, God, what was it about us...I mean, why were things to difficult? Why did we try so hard to stay in each other's lives. What was it that kept wanting to pull us back together?
I just wish that he had felt that I was the one as much and as strongly as I felt/feel that about him.  ugh. I don't know.

I don't even know what the year ahead holds for me. Tomorrow night will be bittersweet, but I will be there none-the-less waiting for the arrival of a new year and let time continue on as it must.

I might actually make resolutions.
I would like to keep on eating as healthily as I have been.
I would LOVE to get more jogging in.
There's a small minor surgery I've been putting off that I think I should finally have.
I want to travel. Mama needs her a vacation.
I would like to keep doing a good job at work.

I think that's pretty much all I can realistically set for myself for now. I'm hoping to add to this list as the new year progresses. 


max xavier said...

"I just wish that he had felt that I was the one as much and as strongly as I felt/feel that about him."

Thats the kick in the gut, isn't it? For me, its wondering why I wasn't what he wanted. What flaw in me was more than he could take?

I hope you are having a far better night than i am. I wish you healing and a better year than you have seen yet.

Just Two Chicks said...

I hope your New Year's Eve was what you needed it to be. Notice I said what you "needed" and not what you "wanted?" That's because at times, what we want is not always what we need. :) I know you've heard this before... well, it's true, and there's good reason for that!!

Things happened the way they did for a reason. There is always, always a reason for everything, good or bad. I truly believe that once you are ready... once your heart is ready, once you love yourself more than anything... once you demand more because you're worth it... once you create your list of what you will accept in someone, what you will not accept, and what you will compromise on (because not everything can be compromised, and it's okay to stick to your wants and needs), you will find someone... and you know what? You'll find someone who is just as ready as you are because you stuck to your list... and you know, and they will know, what is expected. :)

I like your goals!! Everyone wants to run... I haven't set any specific exercise goals. I figure this year, I'm going to take it easy, eat right, and hope for the best ;-)

Velvet_Heaven said...

@Max I'm sorry you weren't having a good evening. But I feel you too will have a great year, hun :)

@TwoChicks Thank you so much for this comment!
Yes, everyone wants to run. Its always been one of my favorite forms of exercise/therapy. I know I'll be seeing more people now that its the New year, but the numbers will dwindle again by the end of the year! Love your "resolutions". I think at times we all forget to take it easy :/