Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Someone to Watch Over Me?

Well, I nodded off a bit ago and just now awoke. I was actually curled up on my couch- all comfy cozy, planning to blog about my day... But I guess it wasn't that important after all.

What is important to me is the dream I just awoke from. In my dream, I was crying the way I do when I'm not just sad/upset, but stressed. I was rubbing my forehead with one hand while dabbing my eyes with a tissue in the other. Out of nowhere I feel a hand upon my shoulder. I look up and standing beside me is Buddy. I twist in my seat to face him. He's wearing his baggy-ish jeans with a rip just above the knee and a white, crew neck tee. The tee is just like him...not too loose, not tight, but fitted enough to see the shape of his well-defined muscles. He's smiling at me, but its not the smile I expect to see. Buddy's usual smile was kinda big, and powerful and at times had a sort of mischievous undertone. While still powerful, this smile seemed softer and gentler. I wished I could hear his voice again. I stared at him, waiting for him to speak but all he did was lean down, kiss my forehead before turning to walk away. Then I woke up...sobbing. I guess I was sobbing in my sleep, the cushion was pretty soaked. I still miss him so much. All I've been doing since is thinking about him. I miss his warmth and protection. I miss his laugh and most importantly I miss his love. He only told me "I love you" once shortly before he passed but somehow I always felt and knew it. One of our last conversations was about the fact that he did have regrets in his life- one being that he wished he said it to me more.
But, no matter what I am so grateful and happy that he was a part of my life. He meant so much to me. Always will.


Just Two Chicks said...

I'm sorry :( You'll find him again... or he'll find you. Someone will come along, and you'll know... Buddy sent him. I truly believe that.

Trixie Racer said...

Just because he only said it once, don't assume that was the only time he felt it.

With my ex who died, I held back from telling him I loved him for a long time...kind of as a self-protective mechanism. Then, ironically, the first (and only) time I said it was about 12 hours before he died. I wish I would've said it more--but I know that he knew all along. You should too.

Velvet_Heaven said...

Thank you both for these comments. It is very hard to lose someone and it has reminded me how precious love is