Wednesday, July 27, 2011

And Then it Hits Me Like a Ton of Bricks...

Yeah, twice in one day! I just had to come back.
For the first time in a really long time, I cried.
I realized I don't want to be a coward. I don't want him to vanish. I don't want us to not be a part of each other's lives.
Its making me tear up again to even think about writing this, but, I don't just want him to be a part of my life, I need him to be.
For a long time now, he's been such a major source of support. He's listened to me, even if it was something so minor that I blew out of proportion. He's just let me cry on the phone and never acted like I was bothering him.He let me have crazy rants (even about him). He makes me feel special. He makes me feel loved. He just makes me feel.
And I think that I wouldn't be struggling so much with all of this if he wasn't a HUGE part of my life. He's beyond important to me. It feels like he's right here with me, when he's soooo far away.
I hate that right now he feels so far away.
He's my best friend.


Just Two Chicks said...

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time and I do understand. Crying is good... I don't know the whole situation, so this may be off base, but maybe you tell him exactly what you just wrote?

I had a similar situation, in that I ended up doing more with a best friend than I should have. We had always been there for each other, and I don't know, something just happened. It would have been fine, but my "best friend" gained an upper hand, and though I'm sure it wasn't meant to be abused, I was put on this love me, hate me, love me, hate me roller coaster. I do miss my "friend" at times, but the limit was pushed when it was decided that loving me was what was wanted, because this didn't come until well AFTER I met who I now call the wife :)

We hung out while the wife was out of town, and I was put in a very bad position in which I was cornered and told I belonged with her and not the wife... pushed to the limit, unhealthy, ... it was bad. When I look back on how miserable I was because I was so worried and so lost without my friend...ugh!

I get it and I really hope you can make something happen. Whatever you need to be happy and healthy.

The Bipolar Diva said...

I cried for the first time in years the other day. I think we need it sometimes, it helps, but God, do I hate it.