Tuesday, September 20, 2011

"Everyone Knows How This Old Story Goes"

The kid is serious about me, but he still has issues.
So, all day and last night I was agonizing over not talking to him. I thought if I could just make it through to tonight, I'll call/text him then to see if he wants to finally talk. I figured if he hadn't broken down yet and text/called me, then he's not having as hard of a time as I am and maybe this space is good for him.

Yeah, turns out not so much.
Sweetness sent me a text letting it allllll out. And it wasn't pretty...He couldn't even call me because he was too "emotional". At first, I honestly thought that was an excuse. Admittedly, I went back to Mr. X and how he just rejected my call and sent me to voicemail where didn't have to deal with me. But when I finally got him to call me, I could tell he was emotional. So, he was upset about my reaction the other day. And he thought that I was doing to him what every other woman has - left him. He thought that's what I was doing by giving him space. I explained my side, how I saw things and he explained his. I think we both cried (nobody knows who he is so I don't think its emasculating to mention that...). We went through just about every emotion. Yeah, over what seemed like such a small incident. I had to remind him that I'm NOT his ex-girlfriend so he shouldn't assume that I'm going to be like her. That clicked with him and he apologized for it and for everything. He said he knows I'm not. I'm so much better than that. Our love is nothing like what they had. I think he said something to the effect that with her all he did was give, give, give. And our relationship isn't like that at all. He may have cried a little more...
And I realized that I'm still having trouble letting him be there for me. I mean thats why I got irritated at his joke to begin with. It was at a time when I was dealing with what I have going on and I knew he didn't know that but I felt like I couldn't turn to him because he was at work. He realized that too. And by the time I was ready to talk to him, after all the days events happened and I thought about it and processed it he was already so upset and closed off, I just couldn't talk to him then.
We both just have to be more patient with the other and if we want this relationship to work out, we have to help eachother work through our issues.
He made a statement about how up until this point everything was so easy and it shouldn't be hard. And I told him that of course there are going to be good days and bad days. We are going to have hiccups. Especially in the beginning, especially after all he had been through. It would just be silly to think everything about us would be easy. He felt stupid for even thinking walking away, leaving me, was an option.
We talked for about 3 hours. The conversation just got increasingly better and better. And even though he said he loved me several times during our conversation, he finally said it the way that I love, that makes me melt. So softly and sweetly like it was his first time saying it. AND he used a word he normally doesn't. Never. He said: "I will never get sick of anything about you".
We'll see.
Until then we're still learning about each other in the context of a relationship. We need to know boundaries, issues, hang-ups, and hurdles that need to be dealt with and deal with them like rational adults. Or at least try to.

No comments: