I swear not even two minutes after publishing my post last night, Sweetness text me. Either he really sensed I needed him or he is (still) reading my blog and just not telling me. Ass.
He asked if I was still awake and then asked if I wanted to talk on the phone for a bit since he had time before dinner with his family. He spent his days off from work this week with them.
I told him that I didn't want to interrupt his time he should be spending with his family since he doesn't see them too often..especially his father. All he responded was, "OK. I love you."
Reading "I love you." made me wanna hear his voice so bad. I missed him terribly. So I told him I changed my mind about talking. A few minutes passed and...Nada. I figured he was upset so I dozed off. Apparently he just left his phone charging in one room whilst hanging out in another. When he finally read my texts, the last of which said, "OK. Well, I love you too. Enjoy your dinner" He thought something bad had happened. I don't know if it was because of me or not, but he wound up staying awake all night. I, myself, had slept for a bit then did laundry in the middle of the night. THAT stressed.
So mid-morning he text me to ask if everything was OK and to apologize for leaving me hanging basically. I assured him things were OK. He said that he figured that I just didn't want to talk. I had to correct. I told him that it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him, it was that I didn't want to interrupt time he should spend with his family. I may not be big on my family but I'm never one to get in the way of other's. He responded:
"Aww babe! Why? I know you're considerate...but, ugh =( I wouldn't have asked..."
He had asked before that if he could call but I didn't see it and thus didn't respond to it so then he took that to mean I just didn't want to talk...again.
"We'll just talk later I guess"
"K. Enjoy your day" (Not really understanding what he meant at first)
"I hope you're OK. Sure. You too."
"If you want to talk I'm available whenever you are." (after realizing...)
I barely hit send and his call came in. I answered and he sounded tired. I felt bad. Until I heard him softly and sweetly say, "Baby, I love you sooooooo much". We talked for a bit and he made me laugh, feel safe and warm and was everything I needed last night.
And then it hit me and I told him. Its not that he's not there for me, or even that I'm not aware he is, its just that I'm not used to having that. I need to learn to let him be there. I'm used to wanting the other person to be there while just being independent and dealing on my own.
This relationship is so very different, not just for him. Me too. Me too.