This morning I awoke fully rested for the first time in almost a week. The last few days with Sweetness was pretty intense as were our conversations. We'd start the evening with talks about us, but next thing we knew, we were laughing and making jokes and just having the greatest time ever. Although there's still a great amount of uncertainty, its still feels a great weight has been lifted.
Hell, I myself am still just a little all over the place. But the one thing that keeps popping into my head was something so incredibly simple that he said.
"I just want you"
It pretty much came from nowhere. I've always thought that I wanted someone to need me, but since he said that, I don't know, I've been thinking about it. Its kind of like out of all the options that are in front of him, the one he keeps coming back to is...me. And looking back, his struggles have been about just that. He said he wanted to "keep his options open" by dating other people and staying out of relationships. But he kept wondering how and trying to find ways to keep me in his life. He never wanted me to leave, go away, or be taken away. He later said something to the effect of that he wonders now if he wasn't just wanting to keep the option of dating out of stubborn-ness. Who knows. Nothing's really been decided yet. Although I like that he's making future plans with me again.
And I can't get over the way he says "I love you".
I'm used to us saying it between us as we've been friends for awhile (You know, one of those quick "love ya" types). The other night he kept softly repeating it... "I love you. I love you. God, I love you. So much, I love you."
He kept on for a bit, each time putting more and more emphasis on "love" and then on "you". Then "I really love you". It was insane. I've never heard him speak so soft and sweet and sincere before.
Just gotta keep my head on straight for now, though.
I love him too...