First, I would like to thank one of my readers for taking the time to give some much needed (and very much appreciated) advice.
Second, I just wanna note how odd it is to write about a situation that is so current/ongoing. I guess with Mr. X I was used to writing about all that had already happened instead of what just happened and what might happen. And too, I don't know how he'd feel about me blogging about our "business". Its all anon so I hope thats ok. This is the best place for me to vent or unload my mind instead of going back to him a million times over with the same thing.
Which brings me to my current state. I let Sweetness know that I would email him some of my feelings and concerns. I was so tired of sitting on things/issues and wanted them out in the open for us to discuss and conclude upon. He sent me a text that he did receive and read my email but needed time to respond so as to gather his thoughts. And he said he was thinking alot about me.
That's a little scary. Its almost exactly what Mr. X said so long ago when we were on the (at the time unknown to me) brink of departing.
So, I've been preparing myself for a new separation from yet another best friend with whom things have gotten too complicated. I don't even know if that's right to expect the worst. To expect that he would just leave me. But it just feels like the most logical conclusion. If that's how it goes, it will hurt. A lot. But at the same time, I still just want us both to be happy. Even if that means moving on from eachother. I don't know. My mind is in a strange place where its blank and all over the place at the same time. We'll see how it turns out.
Thank you to all who've lent support and words to me in this super crazy time! I'm always appreciative of my readers and commentors. :)