Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What's a Crazy Girl to do...

Well, today has been...interesting.
Its Sweetness's birthday (which apparently he doesn't like to celebrate). We started having a great convo this morning. Then...his ex sent him a birthday text. Aaaaand all his pain came back. I hated knowing he was/is in pain. I hate seeing any of my friends like that, but this time is different. It made me sad that he's allowing her to always have some sort of control over him. Because by allowing what he went through, what she put him through, to make him decide to never have a relationship again or put himself in a position where he "could" be hurt again is allowing her to continue to dominate his life. And as "happy" as he is that they are no longer together, he's still holding onto that heartache. He won't let go because he feels that he needs it as a reminder that HE is the only person he has. He won't leave himself therefore he won't hurt himself. Its sad that he's making that decision.
And even though I've decided to look for someone who actually wants to be with me, I do have to admit that it makes me sad and even hurts a little that he'll never truly realize what could be with me. He just would never be able to trust that I wouldn't hurt him. Or, well, to even take that chance. I know I wouldn't hurt him. I've never hurt anyone...to my knowledge. I've always been the one dumped, cheated on, lead on... I know what it feels like. I don't want to do it to someone else. I'm all about love, always. Its hard to gain my trust and even harder to win my heart, but once it happens, its almost as sure as "death and taxes". I'm always willing to try and work hard. But I can't make anyone love me or want me.
All I can do is just be there for him. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I do love him and even feel sometimes that he's the one, but if he's making that kind of decision, I don't want to be left standing out in the cold.


screamingnspace said...

i feel like when a guy says that they don't ever want to be in a relationship again, what they really mean is 'i don't want to be in a relationship with you'. i mean, i think that when the right one comes along, it's gonna be scary and hurt, but it's worth the risk and you can't make yourself stay away.
as much as it sucks, you'll probably be doin both of you a favor by moving on to guys that actually deserve you.

Anonymous said...

I suggest a good stiff drink!

Velvet_Heaven said...

@screaming I know. I've been dealing with the same thought for a while now. :/

@Just 'You' I'm thinking more along the lines of 3-4 stiff drinks, if not a whole bottle's worth... ;)

Just Two Chicks said...

You have such a big heart... I do understand that. I would be so NOT understanding of him and his decisions, and his holding onto things, and being sad when she texted. He'd hear things like "Get over it alreadyyyyyy!!! Grow up, move on, is this what you want? Now she wins," It wouldn't be pretty. The wife calls that tough love... lol.

You're lucky you have that understanding, patience, and the heart to go with it... and there is nothing wrong with a few good, stiff drinks! Just NO driving!!!