Well, today has been...interesting.
Its Sweetness's birthday (which apparently he doesn't like to celebrate). We started having a great convo this morning. Then...his ex sent him a birthday text. Aaaaand all his pain came back. I hated knowing he was/is in pain. I hate seeing any of my friends like that, but this time is different. It made me sad that he's allowing her to always have some sort of control over him. Because by allowing what he went through, what she put him through, to make him decide to never have a relationship again or put himself in a position where he "could" be hurt again is allowing her to continue to dominate his life. And as "happy" as he is that they are no longer together, he's still holding onto that heartache. He won't let go because he feels that he needs it as a reminder that HE is the only person he has. He won't leave himself therefore he won't hurt himself. Its sad that he's making that decision.
And even though I've decided to look for someone who actually wants to be with me, I do have to admit that it makes me sad and even hurts a little that he'll never truly realize what could be with me. He just would never be able to trust that I wouldn't hurt him. Or, well, to even take that chance. I know I wouldn't hurt him. I've never hurt anyone...to my knowledge. I've always been the one dumped, cheated on, lead on... I know what it feels like. I don't want to do it to someone else. I'm all about love, always. Its hard to gain my trust and even harder to win my heart, but once it happens, its almost as sure as "death and taxes". I'm always willing to try and work hard. But I can't make anyone love me or want me.
All I can do is just be there for him. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I do love him and even feel sometimes that he's the one, but if he's making that kind of decision, I don't want to be left standing out in the cold.